Only one day into being in my twenty-ninth year of life I can honestly say I am comfortable with myself. This all came about while I was sitting penniless trying to think outside of the box to make money. After doing some research on how to make money from home I came across articles about blogging. After hours of research I decided to create a page. Naming it was the easiest part but the real challenge was creating my first blog.
After reading several “do’s and dont’s” about creating my very first blog, I decided to talk about myself. One of my greatest achievements in my life thus far is being comfortable with me. While it took many years to reach this point, I would not change a thing. For years I hid in the shadows of others due to my own fear of failure.
In my mind I always pictured myself as the most outgoing person but in reality I was a pussy. I was the pussy that only came out to play whenever surrounded by good company. For example, I always wanted to be a cheerleader but was too afraid to be the girl who was heavy-set that could dance. It wouldn’t be much later in life that I would learn big girls danced too. By then it was too late. I had already missed out on the opportunity to shake a tail feather in a mini pleated skirt in high school. It would not be until post high school that I started to show off my dance moves. Take me to any party and I could guarantee I would not be a wallflower regardless of my size.
It gets worse before it gets better. Once upon a time I had stage fright. I was sure others might judge me. Too afraid to sing and express my feelings before others. I’ll never forget the first time I tried out for choir in school. I was so afraid to sing in front of others. Apparently, I sang in such a deep tone of voice during try-outs that the choir director listed me as a tenor on the list. Everyone who witnessed me sing that day laughed. The director ended up changing my position to an alto. Hell I was embarrassed. Now anyone who has ever heard me sing as of today would be in disbelief that even happened to me. The first time I did karaoke I didn’t even sing my best and it was a hit! It was the most exhilarating experience in my life at the time.
That was not all, I can remember ghost writing for a sister who had entered a poetry slam. It was not the most honest thing to do however it was victory for us. She won and that day I won too. Although I never shared my true my feelings with her, I did envy the fact that she was more extrovert than me. That would eventually change.
Aside from being an introvert-I battled with overweight, severe acne, and dressing as a “tom-boy.” I eventually after being teased and shut-down learned to love the pieces of me. Flaws and all I have no shame in being me in the raw. But now all those things are behind me and I no longer hold back the way I did in the past. As far as my appearance I take it one day at a time without getting “in my feelings” as some would say. While I am still an introvert I am confident in me. I accept that the inner-child and beast only comes out to play when in good company. I embrace the fact that this Capricorn only reveals herself to those who are familiar and worthy.
Yellow Currents 